Memories
Lately I have been pining for the past, when I should be planning for the future. And I have been hiding in the familiar, when I should be embracing the new. And I have been trying to hold on to what was never really mine.
Memories change us - perhaps even more so than the actual experiences which cause those memories.
After all, experience itself never really lasts for very long.
No matter if it is in pain or pleasure - everything we go through in this life inevitably comes to an end at some point. So there is a lot to be said for how we should simply “live in the present moment” - and not worry so much about the imprint each experience actually leaves on us.
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But the reality of only living for the present moment isn’t practical either.
In fact, it is not even preferable.
Though our hope may be that “focussing on the now” can save us from obsessing over heartaches, or fears, or regrets and so on. . . the truth is, we still always need a sense of wider meaning in this life. And for that, our experiences need context . . . i.e we need to know where we are coming from, in order to understand where we are now, or where we are now heading.
And for that . . . we need memory. Otherwise, it is like trying to appreciate a great symphony by only ever hearing a single note at a time, while immediately forgetting the last one that we heard.
Thus, memory itself is how we truly relate to the life we have been given.
But of course, the trick is to learn how to hold on to our memories without feeling as if we are being weighed down by them.
After all, for every memory that warms our heart, or brightens our mood, or helps us to make better decisions in our current circumstances . . . there are many others which threaten to hold us back, or shake our confidence, or reduce us to tears over everything that has been lost.
And again, to use the analogy of music . . . if we keep revisiting the same memory too often, it is like allowing the echo of a previous song to drown out the sound of any new music that might be playing for us now.
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So I suppose we must treat our memories much like any prized possession.
Hold on to them. Keep them safe. Revisit them once in a while. Treasure them. But, also, store them somewhere that they will not make too much of a mess.
I’ve enjoyed your regular posts about art. Many Thanks for all of them. You’re performing an ongoing public service.
Memory is slippery. I think that’s why it’s important to approach it as naturally ambiguous and potentially misleading, particularly if something from the past keeps popping up on your current radar. Whether you’ll ever be able to figure out why it keeps happening is uncertain, but the persistence probably indicates a need for resolution, particularly if you feel dogged by it all.
Running faster may only result in that unwanted accompanist running faster too. So maybe set aside a little time to confront that phantom. Digging deeper may help. But it may also be necessary to dig wider as well. Casting a wide net of potential connection and significance may not ultimately resolve anything and has its own potential pitfalls, but it might return some insight and also allow you to move forward with a lighter burden of nagging uncertainty.
Totally agree.